it's been a while

One of my favorite songs of all time is titled "it's been while"...really a song about dysfunction, whatever that means, but still one of those songs that I can listen to over and over again....really loud.  AM will be three months this coming week and she grows more beautiful and animated each day.  She smiles now and is just a scootch away from a full on giggle.   She loves her Daddy and will stop mid-feed at 3 AM to smile and coo at him, which makes the 3 AM wake up worth every minute.   

I practice tellling her the story of her birth everyday.  I tell her how we  spoke to her birthmother on the phone everyday for 6 weeks before she was born and went to her homestate to spend a weekend getting to know her.  I tell her how we picked out her name together and made the pact that would carry us three women through our lives.   In every story I tell her and there are varying versions I am sure to let her know, we were chosen for her, humanly chosen and in some way, depending on your belief systems, divinely chosen for one another.  I tell her T is a good woman, who is smart and lovely.  I tell her how  it was my greatest privilege to be there as she came into this world and how her first breath, followed by her first cry was  one of the greatest moments of my life.    I tell her I am honored that T chose her father and I and will always honor the trust she has placed in us.   I tell her I hope she has T's hands and how she definitely has her hair.    I tell her how much I love her and that no matter where she goes, what she does, and what choices she makes in this life I will love her with every pore and fiber in my body and I will always be her Mom.  

I would imagine every new mother goes through these emotions, but getting her birth story right for her is of utmost importance right now for me.  I know she won't be able to understand it for quite some time yet, but I want it to be right for when she does.

10 weeks

AM is 10 weeks today and sometimes I still can't believe she is our daughter.   She changes everyday and we become slightly more adept at being her parents each day.  The crying I talked about in my last post has abated a bit however, at least once a week I do find myself in tears.  It is the strangest thing, the twelve months before her birth were filled with so many changes and ups and downs in our lives, she is the culmination of that year and I guess sometimes I cry  tears of joy that she is hear and sometimes I cry tears for all the changes we had.  Now I know that sounds like a lot to place on one little soul, but I don't mean it in that way.  I mean that our family as it is right now is exactly how it was always supposed to be.   Easy to say now, eh?  Not so easy to believe those three previous years, that is for sure.