She is here

She is here and she is amazing.  Since my last post on October 3, so much has happened, I guess you can figure that out by the title of the post.   At last post our mom was in the hospital on bedrest, she was released after about a week and a half and was sent home still on bedrest.   I had a meeting to go to for work, but knew that we had to get to her to meet her and have each of us decide if this was the right family for us to form for the rest of our lives.   So on the 17th we flew 3 hours and drove another 3 hours all the way hoping we would pass muster.  I guess what I didn't expect was the nervousness on her and her boyfriends parts in meeting us as well.  It's funny in www.uterinewars.typepad.com   she asks what are the appropriate but non-influencing gifts to bring the biological parents on first meeting.  We chose Chili's take out, an outfit from Wal-Mart for their 4 yr old and a Wal-Mart gift card for groceries and clothing, since I knew the support from the agency hadn't arrived yet.    It didn't seem over the top and the next day there were groceries and a new outfit for T, our birthmother.  For the record, she said she does not mind Birthmother as a name,  I did ask.    We currently have several that we both like while our little girls is small.

Meeting T was one of the most emotional and rewarding moments of my life.  I truly like this women and am honored that she chose us to parent her little girl.  She is smart, intuitive and honest.   During our first meeting after we all ate, she and I started talking about names for our little girl.  It was important to both of us that we agree upon a first name and have that be part of AM's, our daughters, story.  Agree we did and we chose T's  middle name as AM's middle name.  We stayed at their home about an hour and a half and went to our hotel room with plans for Saturday to meet the parents of T's boyfriend.  

There are so many details of the weekend that are important and poignant and are all part of our daughters story.  If you have read The Red Tent I can best describe it as the bonds between women that can make this happen.   I truly believe we chose one another and truly like one another and will look forward to having one another on each side of this relationship for the rest of our lives.

baby shopping

 Like I said a few days ago, I have really resisted the urge to do a ton of or really any shopping for our upcoming delivery.   The only prep we did was paint the baby's room the prettiest shade of what I thought was a neutral pale, pale, silvery blue.  More on blue as a unisex room later.  

Once we found out our Mom was in the hospital a few weeks ago on bedrest, we took the liberty of setting up an emergency baby bag to take with us...just in case.  At the same time, my Mother and Sister talked me into "registering" for a few things in case friends who have known of our 4 year path to parenthood wanted to send any gifts, once we were home.   At the time it seemed like a great idea, but what I wasn't prepared for were the feelings of shopping/registering for baby things while not pregnant.  Be warned what comes next may have been in my own mind but, I am pretty sure I was discriminated against in the store.  First I was of course not pregnant, whereas all the other registerees were visibly due within the next 90 days. My only visible issue was that I was on crutches trying to register...no one moved out of the way for me.  Pregnancy trumped the not pregnant girl on crutches.  No one asked if we needed help and I felt compelled to explain to the girl handing out the scanners and setting up the registries that we were adopting and not just a crazy girl in her first trimester registering already.   

Perhaps the discrimination was in my own mind and I somehow felt like I didn't belong there baby shopping let alone registering for anything for a baby.   After so many IVF cycles and a couple of miscarriages I am afraid to jinx anything.   I have taken great pride in being the woman who got up dusted herself off and went for a run after each attempt. I didn't want to talk about it right away and always said "it's not the worst thing that could happen to a woman". I don't know that I could that now.  All that self protection keeps rearing it's protective head now when people ask "Are you excited?"  I say,  "a little" and change the subject.    

On another more positive note.  I did have at tremendously positive baby shopping experience yesterday.   I went to Pottery Barn Kids on the UES of NY and finally found a crib set that could work for what I pictured our nursery to look like.   It was discontinued though so they didn't have it all in stock.  I had the NICEST sales associate who hunted down every piece of it from other stores.   It literally took an hour, but all pieces are on the way to our home.  She didn't look at me funny when I said, our nursery is blue, but our baby is a girl and I wanted some blue with a lot of yellow.  She just helped me and made sure I was a satisifed soon to me new Mom. That was really fun and for some reason now I am excited.  Somewhere my heart needed the validation of that nice, nice woman.

countdown

It is decided; unless nature intervenes between now and (insert date), on (insert date) we will be parents or sometime 24 hours after.   We have a scheduled "inducing".  So excited I can barely breathe.

cold feet?

Sometimes it really is funny, strange funny, not haha how things go.   I know a few weeks ago I worried about how you decide and as I suspected sometimes it is just decided for you.  We have grown so incredibly fond of the woman that has chosen us.   Truly fond, I am not confusing gratitude with fondness.  I like speaking to her, she is giving me advice on formula and how long we will have to stay instate for (this is her second adoption) and I am really enjoying that connection.   A few of the women we have been in contact with have already made other plans.  J has decided she is going to parent, although I do have my doubts about that, something is and was hinky about the story in the first place.  Another woman, B,  was in very dire financial straits and couldn't wait for our attorney to get her paperwork so she had to call an agency who was able to send a social worker over the next day.  I am really happy for her, from our conversations it sounded like she needed some assistance desperately. 

I will say I am getting really, really nervous about this.  I keep telling myself that is going to be fine, I am just having cold feet, like I did the month before hubby and I got married.   Ask him, I totally freaked out....wanted to cancel the whole thing and just live together.   As I recall I tried to negotiate for "making out" (with other folks) as part of the marital agreement, because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do that anymore.   Funny how that was where my brain went in the weeks before my wedding.  Nevermind that I hadn't made out with anyone else since we met, but now it was going to be final...no more making out.    

SO, this is a little like that, insofar as that, no turning back.  We will be in it and all the work of "trying to start a family"  will be over and we will be a family and then the real work begins....I hope we will be good at it.  I hope I can do all the things I have promised I am going to do with her and for her....