cold feet?

Sometimes it really is funny, strange funny, not haha how things go.   I know a few weeks ago I worried about how you decide and as I suspected sometimes it is just decided for you.  We have grown so incredibly fond of the woman that has chosen us.   Truly fond, I am not confusing gratitude with fondness.  I like speaking to her, she is giving me advice on formula and how long we will have to stay instate for (this is her second adoption) and I am really enjoying that connection.   A few of the women we have been in contact with have already made other plans.  J has decided she is going to parent, although I do have my doubts about that, something is and was hinky about the story in the first place.  Another woman, B,  was in very dire financial straits and couldn't wait for our attorney to get her paperwork so she had to call an agency who was able to send a social worker over the next day.  I am really happy for her, from our conversations it sounded like she needed some assistance desperately. 

I will say I am getting really, really nervous about this.  I keep telling myself that is going to be fine, I am just having cold feet, like I did the month before hubby and I got married.   Ask him, I totally freaked out....wanted to cancel the whole thing and just live together.   As I recall I tried to negotiate for "making out" (with other folks) as part of the marital agreement, because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do that anymore.   Funny how that was where my brain went in the weeks before my wedding.  Nevermind that I hadn't made out with anyone else since we met, but now it was going to be final...no more making out.    

SO, this is a little like that, insofar as that, no turning back.  We will be in it and all the work of "trying to start a family"  will be over and we will be a family and then the real work begins....I hope we will be good at it.  I hope I can do all the things I have promised I am going to do with her and for her....