bonding and the first giggle

Some folks told hubby and I that it would be easier for me to bond first, because it was woman's instinct, and that T's bond wouldn't come until maybe a few months later when she began interacting with him. Interestingly enough that advice or prediction came from both parents with an adopted child and parents with a bio child.  At the time I think it was comforting to us both to know that maybe we weren't expected to immediately fall in love with this little stranger.   Friends told us that in the first weeks their bio-child was home and crying they would wonder, "when are her parents going to come and get her."    T and I have talked about this a bit and pretty much have the same ideas.   But, in my perception he bonded with her the minute she needed him. The minute her first cry in that hotel room came and he gave her a bottle, if I am not mistaken the first bottle he has ever given. The minute he tried to make her comfortable in that dopey moses basket we had lugged all the way from new york and she refused to sleep in it, the minute she wanted a a heartbeat and warm skin next to her body and he could smell her was the minute he started to bond.  Is that bonding?  I would imagine it is at least the start of it, no matter how frightening and daunting the responsibility seems to be.

Of course now the bond is different, I wouldn't say stronger, I just think like parents of bio children it grows and is not greater in emotion at any given point. The loss of that child would be devastating at any point and not worse because they were older. Does that make sense?

I think the difference is now she is bonded with us. She has of course known our voices and scents for quite some time now, but now she looks for us in a room and settles when it is one of her immediate family holding or consoling her. She has had nothing but huge smiles for us...unless hungry or ready for a nap...for at least a month now, but today when she was just about ready for a nap and we were getting to hit the streets for a long walk for that nap, I started singing bye bye love and dancing to it as well with some erratic voice and tone changes and my girl giggled...it was a joyful throaty little gurgle that ended with a bit of a squeak.   She seemed as surprised as we were that she could do that with her voice, since she only learned last week that she could "yell".  We of course couldn't stop singing that song to make her do it again so Daddy could get it on video. It was the highlight of my month...that first giggle.