continued

i pooped out last time and never talked about all that did change in the past year.  a key friendship in our lives, a friendship i thought we would grow old with changed pretty much immediately after A was born and has slowly and might i add painfully, deteriorated over the past year and recently ended and i am not sure, with the exception of one incident, what i could or would have done differently.  

before A was born we socialized with these women and their children all  the time.   during the winter they would come to our old apartment for sunday dinner, i would talk to one of them almost every night when she drove home from work.  when A was born one of them came and stayed with me while we waited for the interstate compact.   A's dada is godfather to the eldest daughter.   we babysat their children and guarded them, worried for them as if they were our own.     we also reveled in the fact that all our children would have unique stories and they would have each others as peers and support as they grew up.

for the first 6 weeks after A was born she had  reflux, during which time she cried every night for hours and hours.  needless to say this made being a brand, spanking new parent even more difficult and worrisome.   even once she was treated and was a happier more rested little monkee we had made a decision since it was december in nyc not to cart her around out to restaurants and such at night, nor did we entertain as much as we did prior.    over time as her sleep habits became more regular  we pretty much changed our lives to work with her schedule and worked to protect her bedtime.    at the same time since we live in a nyc apartment it made entertaining somewhat difficult especially a family of four so needless to say we saw our friends less.

the frustration on their part built up over time until finally there were discussions and arguments, the main gist of which were  "you have changed, this is not at all like what we expected it to be like when you had a child, too much has been lost, you act like you don't trust us" etc. etc.   i completely agree things have changed, but i never thought this is the way it would be forever, i never thought it would eventually be the end of the friendship. 

ugh, even writing about it exhausts me physically and emotionally.  i have to finish another time.