the year since

while reflecting on all the changes that led us to A, i have also had an acute awareness of all the things and relationships that have changed since our girl was born.  no matter how many times i have babysat for other peoples children, and no matter how much i may have been warned: nothing, i mean nothing prepared me for the constant worry  i would have for my own child.  i worry all day, everyday about how she is, how she will grow up and how will i be a good parent to her.