what I wasn't prepared for

I knew women who gave birth could potentially have degrees of postpartum depression and having gone through 5 IVF/Donor egg cycles I know a little bit about hormone highs and lows and the emotions that come along with.  I wasn't prepared for and nothing I read had even hinted out the emotions, not just joy, that I would have once AM was in our care.   

While still awaiting our interstate compact to travel back home with her, I cried, no sobbed pretty much daily.  It would start out as tears of joy watching her eat or sleep and then slowly become this trying to catch your breath between sobs cry about everything that had happened during the past 4 years and everything that was going to happen in the next  30.   I cried for all the babies we didn't have, and how AM, this one little amazing girl found her way to us and how she was always supposed to be the one, how she was who we had been waiting for all along.  I cried for the overwhelming responsibility that I now felt to make sure she was happy and loved and how scared I was that somewhere I would inevitably fall short and not be good enough.  

I cried for her birth mom and how much gratitude and affection I have for her and the choice she made not only in choosing adoption, but in choosing us to be the parents of this beautiful life she had created.  

Uh oh someone else crying...more later.