when do you get excited and how to decide

Assuming that we have a decision to make in this process  goes a bit  against the grain of the belief we have tried to maintain all along that the little soul that is supposed to incarnate into our lives will do so when and how he or she is good and ready.   Tell that to the part of our brains that thinks we actually have control or a say in this process.   I guess that is the same part of me that thought fertility treatments were a bit of a personal competition, where I would endure and ultimately prevail.  My  motto of "never let'em see you sweat" made sure that after each failed cycle,  I got up, dusted myself and went  straight into the next one, chin up, smile on my face and lips at the ready to say "it is not the worst thing that could happen to a woman".  I said that for every IVF cycle and the 2 donors.   Turning our hearts towards another way of creating our family wasn't easy when you operate from the belief that you can will something to happen by sheer perserverance. It was how I was raised.  I didn't want and some days still don't want to have gone quietly into that good night.  

Back to today, our ads have stopped running and some calls our still coming in.   We have sent our profile to 9 young women; I have had follow up conversations with 7 of them and I have imagined each of  these seemingly lovely women with a sad story  as the woman who would be on the other side of my becoming a momma.  I have promised each of them, their children would be raised in a home where they (their first moms) would always be talked of with respect and affection.  After every phone call no matter what they confess or tell me, I have nothing but compassion for them and excitement that they called us.  The reality of fate is anyone of us could be in her shoes.    Their pregnancies are anywhere between 8 weeks and 8 months pregnant.    Which leads me to how do you decide, do you just take the first one that comes along?  My brain says "yes" immediately,  But then my conscious, rational, problem solving mind thinks: what about K?  She seems so sweet and nice on the phone, I really like her and she's only 20, but she isn't due until next year....anything could happen between now and then....How do we know which one is carrying our child, the life for which we will ultimately take responsibility.

Today we told our attorney to put a lovely young woman who called in touch with another family.   She called here, she liked our ad, she called me this morning when she was having contractions, she had this number programmed into her phone and now I will not speak to her again.    I am sad about that.   

I guess that right there is the answer to when do you get excited?  I am excited now but trying hard not to get attached.